Divorce

You can fall out of love, but can you fall back into it? Many people think that the reason others get divorced is because they no longer love each other, and that is why we have so many in our day. Up to 50% right? Wrong. The reality is that 75% of everyone who gets married stays married. Some of the reasons however that people get divorced are these:

• Low socioeconomic status
• low income
• Cohabitated before-more like tying a bow than a knot. The latter is harder to undo. 
• Divorced once before
• Parents were divorced

There are six stations of divorce. Emotional Divorce: When a couple no longer feels emotionally attached to the other, they separate. Legal Divorce: A couple meets with the court and legally decides to end the marriage. Economic Divorce: Both parties get equal amount of econmic support. Cooparental Divorce: When both parents get rights to the children. Community Divorce: When the couple's divorce is known by their community, and sides are chosen, and Physic Divorce.

After about 2 years, there are three different things that happen to 70% of divorced people: They regret that it happened, men tend to remarry faster than women, and then 5 years after both parties have adjusted and gotten through it.

Effects of Divorce on Children
There are many negative effects that divorce has on children. These include:

• They have to choose between parents.
• Tend to a mediator between parents.
• They're school work falters.
• They try harder to please their parents.
• They receive a loss of resources-or loss of access to one of their parents.
• Sometimes parentification can occur-When a parent uses an older child as a confidant.
• Children sometimes blame themselves for divorce.
• 60% of children live with people other than their parents.
• Boys have more problems generally because they spend more time with mom rather than their dad.

Sometimes divorce is necessary. But for those who are able to work through it, I encourage you to do so.

Children: Are they REALLY an inheritance unto the Lord?

Imagine you are the proud parent of two teenage daughters. One of them is very energetic, constantly demands your attention, and getting into trouble. The other is more passive, keeps to herself, and rarely misbehaves. One day, you are running around, trying to get everything done, and realize you forgot to pick up something for dinner. You can’t find the car keys, so you grab the spare, and run out the door. Only to find that one of your daughter’s took the car to the mall. How do you react? Do you wait until your daughter gets home in order to yell at her, or do you shrug your shoulders, nonchanlantly, and choose something else to make for dinner? Or, do you wait for your daughter to get home and have a discussion about when it is ok for her to take the car, and that you already had set rules for when she would be allowed to use it?

Depending on your answer will determine what parenting style you are most likely to use. There are three, but only two were mentioned this week. Authoritarian, Passive, and Authoritative.

Authoritarian: Also known as the dictator. These parents demand that their children obey and respect them, without having to give respect in return.

Passive: These parents feel that it is better for their children to learn through doing whatever feels right to them. They tend to take a backseat approach to parenting.

Authoritative: These parents discuss rules with their children, as well as consequences, and determine together what needs to happen when misbehavior occurs. They also expect to give respect when respect is given to them.

Children are “an heritance unto the Lord” and deserve to be raised by parents who are knowledgeable and understand how to teach them to become functioning members of society. In today’s world, it is becoming more and more popular for parents to leave their children to be taught and raised by babysitters, teachers, and technology. Let us do our best so that we may one day be able to stand confidently before God, and know that we helped his child to become the best that they could be in this life.

Food for thought: If the spirits God is sending to Earth don’t come to us, where do they go?

I'm not a muppet I'm a......mop?

Imagine you have graduated from College with a Bachelor's Degree in Teacher Education. You are now a teacher, trying to handle a group of rumbuctious kindergarteners. You start dating a wonderful man and fall in love. You get married and continue to work, until one day you find out that you are expecting. You decide to quite work and focus on being a stay at home mom. Your fellow faculty members begin asking you why you are just going to "throw" away your degree to instead begin a mind-numbing job of taking care of kids 24/7. What do you propose? Is taking care of children and a home a "mindnumbing" occupation?
This is what I have found, and what I believe. We read two articles this week on the subject, and these are my insights. The two articles can be found at the bottom of the page if anyone else is interested. :)

Mind for a mop: This article was very well written! I am glad that someone took a stand and let those who are criticizing the role of homemaker and mother know what really goes on within the walls of our own home. During this article, when the author pointed out that women may even get more intellectual stimulation from being in the home than in the workplace, it reminded me of both my mom and aunt. They are some of the smartest people I know, and I am able to go to them about advice all the time about such topics as motherhood, teaching children in both a school and home setting, cooking, and especially spiritual matters, which are most important.

Education: In the second article, I found myself agreeing wholeheartedly to everything that was said. With a college education, I feel like wives and mothers are able to be an even greater influence on their children, and help them to become what Heavenly Father wants them to be. It not only gives children a better appreciation for education, it helps them to become more functioning members of society. I loved the way the author talked about how children whose mothers teach them have stronger health, language skills, and socio-emotional skills as well.

Personal: I know that I will be a very different mother because of the things I am learning, and applying. I am very grateful that I have had the opportunity to pursue an education without trying to juggle a family at the same time. I feel like I am better preparing myself so that I can be the best that I can be for my future children. I personally am really excited to raise a family and help them to become members of society who see the good in people, and help them to succeed. 

Mind for a mop: http://www.dennisprager.com/does-a-full-time-homemaker-swap-her-mind-for-a-mop/

Power of Communication

Imagine you hear about a big dance in two weeks, and tell your husband you'd like to go. He agrees. The day of, you pick out a beautiful dress, and lay it on the bed. You then go get your hair and nails done, and do your makeup extra special like. An hour before the dance, you waltz into the living room right as your husband plops down on the couch to watch the NBA Basketball game. "Why aren't you ready?!" You shout at him. "We have to leave in 30 minutes!" He looks at you, confused. "Ready for what? And why are you all dressed up?" You glare at him. "For the dance tonight! You promised we could go!" " What dance? I never promised anything!" he retorts. Now you're really angry. Stamping your foot, you yell, "we planned this two weeks ago! How could you forget?!"
Alright ladies and gents, what's the matter with this scenario? How is this couple communicating with each other, and are they getting the point across? It seems to me, that the wife decided to go to this dance, and her husband agreed, but then she never reminded him. Instead she assumed that he would remember, and hoped the little hints (the dress, hair, and makeup) would make him realize her expectations. This my friends is called mis-communication. The wife planned to spend the evening dancing, and her husband planned on watching Basketball. Neither of them is complying to the other, and instead of apologizing and trying to understand the other, their fight will continue to escalate, when the problem would have easily been solved with a little reminder a few days before, and again two hours before. There are quite a few ways that couples communicate with each other in order to get what they want. In other words, how we exert power over another.
1. Coersive: Manipulating another to get what you want, such as saying something like, "I won't kiss you anymore if you don't take out the trash."
2. Reward: "If you help me do the dishes, I'll make your favorite dessert."
3. Legitimate: It makes sense. "You'll do your laundry because if you don't, you won't have any clean clothes to wear."
4. Refferant: Similiar to the word Reverent. It refers to wanting to meet the need's of the other person.
5. Informational: You inform the other person why your decision is the correct one, such as telling your spouse why its better to buy a Chihuahua if your living in an apartment rather than a Great Dane.
6. Expert: You rely on the other person's decisions because they know everything about that particular subject, such as having your spouse be responsible for finances.

Family Coping during Crisis

Have you ever witnessed what happens when mentos are mixed with coke? The mentos cause the soda to slowly build up until it finally explodes. This is much like the way we would describe a pileup in a family crisis. Its basically a bunch of small stressors that pile up on a family until the members can't take it anymore, and they "explode" in their own way. Some people deny that anything bad happened. Its their way of protecting themselves from being hurt. While a little bit of denial yes, can be a protection mechanism, after awhile it can do more damage than good. For example, if a child dies, the natural first step of denial is a normal occurence. But if the denial continues, it can eat away at the person experiencing it. Another form of "exlpoding" or I guess the proper term is "coping" would be avoidance. Again, avoiding a situation for a little while can be a good thing, it allows the person to "take a breather" and think about their reaction. But avoidance for too long can cause a person to completely withdraw from those around them, and eventually the hurt can lead to depression and intense loneliness. These are not helpful feelings when trying to heal. Perhaps the most helpful way of coping would be a hope of the future. Again, going back to the example of experiencing the death of a child, having a belief that you will one day see that child again brings hope, and allows for healing. It does not take away the sadness, but it does strengthen our faith that everything will be ok. It allows us to carry on in the face of adversity, it shows resilience. I truly believe that a family's ability to be strong during crisis is their attitude. Happiness gives you a strength you never knew you had, and helps you to stay strong for your family and help others, which brings added strength. For those of you reading this, please know that there is hope. "hard times comes, but there is help and happiness ahead."
                                                                                                                                     ~Elder Holland.

Physical Intimacy in Marriage a Sacred Act

This week was, well, to say the least, interesting. Lol. We learned about Physical Intimacy within marriage, and while it was informative, it was also a little awkward. Let's just say I feel more prepared I guess. A few things that I found interesting in regards to this topic were the fact that the way men and women think plays a role in physical intimacy. Women are accustomed to thinking about many different things at once, while men focus on one thing at a time. While the wife may be worried that the kids are still awake, or what she needs to plan for her young women, her husband is only focused on being with his wife, and many times probably doesn't quite understand her concern. I found that kind of funny. :) One other thing that really hit me about this topic is that, just like everything else in marriage, you should put the needs of your partner first. My professor really emphasized how important it is to take things slow if a partner isn't comfortable with something, and to be gentle and loving in doing so. I really appreciated that, because in today's world, sex is symbolized as something that comes on as passionate and fast when people are in love. But I agree with my professor, that sex is sacred, and should be treated as such. A special act of love between husband and wife, lawfully and legally married.

Marriage and Children What are we getting ourselves into?

I learned SO much this week! We learned about how to adjust to marriage, and how to adjust when children come. Many of the things that I especially liked were the little things that we need to adjust to, such as different internal clocks (some people are morning people, while others are night owls) as well as sleeping in the same bed, some people (like me) get cold really easy, while others have a really high body temperature. I found that one really funny, because I can guarantee my future husband will probably want to sleep as far away from me as he can so he doesn't sweat to death. One of the other adjustments I found interesting was different eating habits. As a future wife, I want to be able to cook good meals for my husband, and have him enjoy them. If we both have different eating habits, that's going to be really hard. As well as finding things to do when I need my alone time. We also talked about how people who are major gamers don't have very successful marriages, because they don't have the same interaction with each other as other couples do, using games to connect rather than being physically together.

Adjusting to children
I have recently seen a friend go through some hard adjustments to the birth of her first child. Many times, women end up taking care of the child, and the husband feels left out and underappreciated, becuase he is no longer getting all of the attention, and doesn't know how to interact with the newborn child, seeing it as the main responsibility of the wife. The wife in turn, feels like she is the expert at child rearing, and doesn't allow the husband to get involved, many times turning to her own mother for assistance. Some of the things that we learned in order to help both the father and mother feel more involved and appreciated with the before, during, and after process's of the birth of a new baby were these:

What are five specific things wives can do to engage their husbands fully before, during and after delivery of their child?

•        Involve husband in prenatal checkups
• • Prenatal bonding events
  • Husband takes precedence over others
  • Shared responsibilities
  • Creative ways for husband to bond
• What are five things a husband can do to engage fully before, during and after their child is born?
• Plan carefully for changes
• Don’t forget spouse’s needs
• Boost/support
• Take turns with tasks
• Express love/appreciation