Dating, Courtship, and Marriage. What to expect.

This week we learned about the Laws of Attraction, four different types of love, and Choosing a life partner. Of course these were all very interesting topics to me, seeing as I am still single, and seeking. But a few points I would like to share are these:

Laws of Attraction
1. You tend to marry those who are close to you-whether you meet them around your neighborhood, through shared friends, or at school. You can't marry someone you've never met. :p
2. Similarity-Do you have the same values, personality, and religion as the person you're wanting to get to know? If you are similiar in these things (you laugh at the same jokes, you have the same goals about religion and school, you have similiar personalities) then you are more likely to have a successful marriage. After all, the way you start a marriage is the way that it continues, and you begin to establish the kind of marriage you are going to have long before you're married. Let me interject with a short example:

Amy and Adam were dating. They enjoyed watching movies together, and more often than not, Adam would come over to Amy's house to watch a movie, while she cooked dinner for them. During their engagement, they talked about what would occur. Adam would be the provider in the family, and Amy would stay at home to take care of the house and children. However, when marriage finally comes, it turns out that Amy is the one providing, while Adam sits at home. Why did this happen? They talked about it right? Yes, but their patterns were already set before they even got married. Amy was always the one providing dinner, while Adam came to her house to watch movies. Do you see why this step is so important? Patterns established during courtship determine the kind of marriage you are going to have later on.
3. Physical attraction-This one is pretty much self-explanatory. ;) You first find interest in someone based on looks.
These next three steps are important things to look for as well, when choosing a life partner.
1. Togetherness-Do you have a wide range of activities that you both enjoy doing together?
2. Talk- Also called disclosure. Can you be open with each other about your feelings, past, ect. Is there trust?
3. Time- Generally we only begin to get to know someone at a minimum of 3 months.

All in all, focus on what's most important when seeking a life partner. Someone who will support you in your endeavors, someone who is kind, someone who enjoys being around you, and share the same beliefs and values as you. But also be aware that both of you will change as the relationship progress's, and you will each have to adapt to the other in order to allow growth and fullfillment in your marriage. It takes hard work, not just compatibility.

Gender Roles in Family Life and Homosexuality

The week before last we learned about gender roles among males and females, and how that applies to family interaction. Some of the things that stuck out particularly to me were the main differences between males and females. A few are listed below:

Females: Relationship Oriented, emotional communication, develop language earlier, stronger verbally, remember things relationally, are more relationship-activity based, and have more white matter in their brains.

Males: More aggressive, physical communication, develop language later, are less verbal, remember things spacially, are more interested in object activities (sports) and have more gray matter in their brains.

These differences may make it difficult to interact at times, but they are divinely appointed. Mothers were given the divine role of nurturing their children. They are more aware of the facial cues from their infants, and how to meet their needs. They also tend to orient their children inward, closer to themselves. Fathers on the other hand are able to compartmentalize. They have the ability to do work at work, and home at home. And while mothers tend to keep their children close, fathers orient their children outward, towards the world. Such as encouraging them to get an education and start a successful career. But all in all, if both parents work together to raise their children, and become better individually and as a couple, they will be even more equipped to handle the difficulties in life, and those which are divinely appointed.

One other thing that I found really interesting in class was the topic of homosexuality. The Family Proclamation states that men are to Preside, Provide, and Protect their families, and as such as born with the desires to do so. But sometimes, if they have a difficult time connecting to other men, or have an experience where they feel emotions towards another man, they may confuse that with being Homosexual. They confuse intimacy (the idea of being close, known, and understood by someone) with the feelings of being romantic, and thus decide that it must mean they are "gay." For those of you out there who are struggling with being Homosexual, and don't know where to start in your journey of  figuring out who you are, might I suggest four steps that may be of use to you.

1. Much of what you experienced is based on your conclusions.
2. Stop the madness-You have to learn how to stop the behavior.
3. Find a good counselor who can teach you how to form appropriate intimacy with same gender as friends.
4. You must learn how to express your emotions appropriately.

Finally, know that your Heavenly Father loves you. He wants you to have the opportunity to be a husband and father, and fullfill your divine role of manhood. But He also understands that in order to recieve Eternal Life, raise children, and fullfill your needs, your must be keeping the commandments to the best of your ability. Don't lose hope. For those of you wanting to change, it is possible.

The Culture of Christ

I absolutely LOVED this topic of culture and what it means to be equally valid in our divine destinies. Although we all have different cultures, and not all of us grow up with the same beliefs, we all can try our best to help those around us to become better and adapt their cultures to the culture of Christ. During this week, we read an article about Hispanic families from Mexico and how difficult it is for them to not only come to America, but survive here with their families. This one especially touched my heart because I served a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in North Virginia among the Hispanic people. I learned their language, about the different cultures they practice in their respective cultures, and taught them about the culture of Christ, which we all share. It was a touching experience to see what kinds of conditions these people lived in, and how difficult it had been for them to leave their families in their countries. One woman I know had to leave her two daughters in Honduras while she came to the states to find a job. She left when they were 3 and 5 years old, expecting to see them again in a year or two. Ten years passed, and she told us how excited she was to finally go back and see them now that they were 13 and 15. We were happy for her, and that she had that opportunity. But I could never imagine having to do that in order to try and give my children a better life. What about you readers? Would you move to another country to try and start a better life for your family? Have you? Feel free to share experiences or stories if you like. One last thought. As a member of the LDS church, we believe in the Book of Mormon as well as the Bible. There is a passage that I absolutely love, and know to be true. A Book of Mormon prophet named Lehi taught this truth.

2nd Nephi 2: 6 "Wherefore, I, Lehi, prophesy according to the workings of the Spirit which is in me, that there shall^anone come into this land save they shall be brought by the hand of the Lord."

Theory is as Theory does

This past week in my family relations class, we learned about the different kinds of theories that influence the family. There are four types which are: Family Systems Theory, Exchange Theory, Symbolic Interaction Theory, and Conflict Theory. Family Systems Theory talks about the family as a whole, but each individual brings a different part and role to the family. For example, I described my own family as a Circus.

My dad is the Ringmaster of our family. He is the “most visible performer in the modern circus, and among the most important, since he stage-manages the performance, introduces the various acts, and guides the audience through the entertainment experience.” This definition fits him perfectly. Although he enjoys being the center of attention, he is also reliable and always willing to help other family members succeed. Although we may not always like his advice, or the way he presents it, he is well intentioned. He clashes a lot with my mom, and they have had to work hard for the marriage they share, but they are very loyal, and still very much in love.

My mom is the Juggler. She is always juggling everyone else’s lives, and never seems to get any time for herself. Because of this, she is easily stressed. My mom tends to enjoy the company of her children and husband one on one rather than all at once. But with her family of origin, she gleans tons of energy from being with all 10 of her siblings and then some!

 I am the Tight rope walker. I always seem to be the “balancer” when things go wrong in my family, or two people are fighting.I am also one to keep to myself at times, and just watch others interact, or the “bystander”

Jack is the Lion Tamer. He is a hard worker when put to the task, but also enjoys “living on the edge”. He seems to be the “rebel” of our family, and tends to find trouble.He is also kindhearted, and easy to talk to. He is always willing to lend an ear or shoulder to those who are struggling in the family.

Simon is the clown of the family. Although he doesn’t seem to take the spotlight very often, everything that seems to come out of his mouth is hilarious. He is always trying to make people laugh, and tends to not have to work very hard for his keep. Or rather, doesn’t. Simon is also very easygoing, and gets along with all members of the family.

Emilie is the Horse Trainer of the family. She is always bossing everyone else around and expects us to obey her. But she is also adventurous and fun. Because she has a way of making it sound like she is constantly putting others down, the family has a difficult time having “normal” conversations with her. But she means well.

We can’t forget our Hippo Tilly (Olde English Bulldogge) or our Dancing Poodle Pearl! :)

Exchange Theory is when the costs are lower than the rewards, or in other words you only continue to do things for each other if you both get something out of it. Symbolic Interaction Theory is where people create meaning out of cognitive processes such as: My husband clearly doesn’t love me because he’s always teasing me or telling me what to do with my time. Whereas the husband is thinking, I sure think its cute when my wife gets that mad look on her face, I think I’ll tease her again! And if she gets everything done on time, we’ll have more time to spend together doing fun things. Each person creates or assumes someone else’s intentions from every interaction that they experience. Finally, Conflict Theory is when power may be covert or subtle, but all couples have differences in opinion. Whether or not there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong from an outsider’s perspective. It was a very interesting theme, and I kept thinking about my own interactions with family members and friends, and how each of these theories applies to those relationships.