Power of Communication

Imagine you hear about a big dance in two weeks, and tell your husband you'd like to go. He agrees. The day of, you pick out a beautiful dress, and lay it on the bed. You then go get your hair and nails done, and do your makeup extra special like. An hour before the dance, you waltz into the living room right as your husband plops down on the couch to watch the NBA Basketball game. "Why aren't you ready?!" You shout at him. "We have to leave in 30 minutes!" He looks at you, confused. "Ready for what? And why are you all dressed up?" You glare at him. "For the dance tonight! You promised we could go!" " What dance? I never promised anything!" he retorts. Now you're really angry. Stamping your foot, you yell, "we planned this two weeks ago! How could you forget?!"
Alright ladies and gents, what's the matter with this scenario? How is this couple communicating with each other, and are they getting the point across? It seems to me, that the wife decided to go to this dance, and her husband agreed, but then she never reminded him. Instead she assumed that he would remember, and hoped the little hints (the dress, hair, and makeup) would make him realize her expectations. This my friends is called mis-communication. The wife planned to spend the evening dancing, and her husband planned on watching Basketball. Neither of them is complying to the other, and instead of apologizing and trying to understand the other, their fight will continue to escalate, when the problem would have easily been solved with a little reminder a few days before, and again two hours before. There are quite a few ways that couples communicate with each other in order to get what they want. In other words, how we exert power over another.
1. Coersive: Manipulating another to get what you want, such as saying something like, "I won't kiss you anymore if you don't take out the trash."
2. Reward: "If you help me do the dishes, I'll make your favorite dessert."
3. Legitimate: It makes sense. "You'll do your laundry because if you don't, you won't have any clean clothes to wear."
4. Refferant: Similiar to the word Reverent. It refers to wanting to meet the need's of the other person.
5. Informational: You inform the other person why your decision is the correct one, such as telling your spouse why its better to buy a Chihuahua if your living in an apartment rather than a Great Dane.
6. Expert: You rely on the other person's decisions because they know everything about that particular subject, such as having your spouse be responsible for finances.